I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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