I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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