He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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