Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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