Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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