i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize