I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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