I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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