Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize