Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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