1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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