member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
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its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
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I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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