sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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