you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize