Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
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I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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