someone get that fucking seahorse.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
now i know why i became what i already was.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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