I accidentally burped into my bong.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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