Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
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i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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