The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
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just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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