I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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