Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize