i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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