I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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