White coat. Heels.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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