I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
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Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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