im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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