That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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