I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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