Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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