my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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