So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
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I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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