I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
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Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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