I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
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Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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