farters have to be the big spoon...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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