I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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