Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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