my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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