Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize