I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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