im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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