Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
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i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am mentally ready for anal.
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