okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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