i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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