Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize