conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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