My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just puked most of my soul out..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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