The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
handjob tips. give me some.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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