and you said cock pushups were impossible
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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