She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
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You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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