he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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